Texas

Y'all I just wrote a long ass post and Chrome crashed.  Fuck.  

Moral of the story was "Don't donate to The Red Cross, instead donate to places like the Hurricane Harvey Fund at the Greater Houston Community Foundation which is linked HERE SO JUST CLICK HERE."

We want money and things to get to those who need them NOW, not later.  Donate wisely.  Donate to groups that are handing out to marginalized and low-income/impoverished neighborhoods first because those people will need the most help.  

I'll be in Texas this weekend for The Curvy Industry Experience pool party and fashion show where Bethany and I will be showing MEG x SBB for the first time ever in person.  I'm extrememly excited, and I cannot wait to see these pieces come to life!

It's My Birthday

Ok, so yesterday was my birthday. Close enough. I turned 29. The number isn't bothering me as much as how emotional I've become surrounding my birthday. 

I have anxiety, this is true, but I've never experienced my anxiety this heavily around my birthday. The combination of not being with family, working too hard at my job, and just life has gotten the best of me this year.  

I think about what I want in life and how to get it. Where I am in life and where I want to be. The memories I have of my journey of 29 years. It's heavy. 

Then, I realize I'm not the only one who does this. Is your birthday a time of reflection, too? Am I not the only one who experiences a lot of emotions around their birthday? How does it manifest for you? 

I also think it's hard being a social person but anxiety makes it much more difficult to be that social person I once was. I want to have a party, be surrounded by those I care about, eat/drink/be merry. But, I also just want to stay home and binge Netflix. I'm trying to navigate my anxiety the best I can. 

I'm Not Here For Your Pity

There's a viral post of a man commenting on his wife's body. The root of the issue is that we have decided that, as a society, we are now applauding men for finding non-acceptable women attractive. Like, "thank god you think she's pretty because you really took one for the team."  

Bruh. Give me a fucking break.  

Forst of all, the viral couple are a pair of assholes. Both have racist and phobic posts all over their social media. He's the most typical Millenial "I just can't have a real job because I'm soooo creative but I'm a white male so I don't know why everyone is always complaining." She's a horrific example of body positive - multiple times does she tells people how much she hates the word "fat" and thinks we need to stop using it. Also, she is pretty shamey in her posts toward women who are bigger than her (she's like a size 10/12).  

STOP MAKING ASSHOLES FAMOUS.  

Stop it. Stop stop stop stop. He's a prick. She's a dickhole. Neither one of them represent good people. There's nothing about them that should be celebrated because they are completely average.  

Guess what? Tons of people have healthy relationships where BODY SIZE ISNT INVOLVED AT ALL. I know. It's soooooo weird. (Side eye.) Y'all are doing it wrong if body shape means *that* much to you and your relationship. If you have to constantly seek validation for being with someone "society deems unattractive" then you're a super shitty person.  

Just love and be loved. Stop looking for validation. Stop seeking celebration for being average. Stop making money off political and socia movements you know nothing about. Loving an unattractive person doesn't make you a hero, it makes you human. Nobody wants your pity love.   

Day Job

Y'all I have a day job. It usually doesn't take up so much of my time, but basically everything that can go wrong is going wrong with all of our customers. Cloud of doom and gloom over all of our projects right now.  

Beacause of it, I'm spending 10 hours a day in the office getting fires put out and pushing factories to get me what I need. It's been a long month or so. 

On top of this, I have a personal life. I mean, I try. I had to cancel plans Saturday to take a day for laundry last week. It had been so long that I ended up washing nearly everthyjng I owned (sans outerwear, sweaters, and dress clothes).  

Dont be afraid to take time for yourself. I know life gets hard but sometimes taking a day for some self-care (like laundry) is just what we need. Stress and anxiety takes a toll on our bodies and minds. We have to be aware enough that we can take a knee.  

It might be hard now, but it won't be always. We live on roller coasters - just got to enjoy the down time once the uphill battle is over.  

UPDATE! I'm in Vogue Italia now. I know. I freaked out, too. Well, I cried. Then I freaked out. Irvin (AKA Graphics Metropolis) is a genius and I love him.

Today, I found a link to an incredible blog post (on Curves & Couture's blog written by Amy Farrugia) that listed me as one of five badass bloggers/models on Instagram. I'm included with Chloe Elliot (@ChloeInCurve_), Olivia Campbell (@CurvyCampbell), Tess Holliday (@TessHolliday), and Essie Golden (@EssieGolden). Links up soon, lovelies.

 (I'm sorry I'm two weeks behind posting. I am going to try to get back to weekly.)  

Life Gets Better

When I was in college, I had an opportunity to reconnect with a guy I had a crush on in high school. I took it.

While in high school, he wasn't seen as the most intelligent person and, even though it was all jokes, I could tell the words hurt him. He and I had a conversation senior year about our dreams and what we wanted to do as adults. He told me he wanted to be a chiropractor but he would never be able to do it. Shocked, I encouraged him to apply to schools and get tutors if he needed. I could tell he wasn't completely convinced he could do it, even if I was.

Now reconnecting as young adults, he and I were in college. I was going after my dreams of being in the music business - moving to LA and getting into the industry, perhaps trying my hand at modeling. He was in school for something completely not chiropractic, but "it pays good."

He and I were having a phone conversation one night, as young adults do, discussing the future. I said that I wanted to move to California. The dream I had was becoming a reality. I was looking at grad schools and places to live. I was looking into doing campus visits over spring break. As I was explaining this, he actually told me that it would never happen. He told me that what I wanted for my life would never happen.

I had never been told I wouldn't be able to reach a goal. None of my teachers had the gall to say something like to me. My parents *never* doubted my abilities to reach my goals. No one I had dated previously had ever said those words. None of my friends had ever mumbled anything of the sort.

I was livid.

Confused. Then livid. I actually said "what?" And he repeated himself. While he was telling me how absurd my ideas and passions were, he was laughing like "how could you actually think these things will happen for you?" I was SO MAD at him for saying this! How could he say these things? Because he genuinely didn't believe I could do it? Because he wanted me to hurt? Because he was projecting? Because he thought I didn't have the "looks"? Because he didn't think I had the "smarts"?

I'll never know. I don't know if he actually had a reason.

I cut him out of my life. Almost immediately. This was nearly a decade ago now, but one of the most vivid conversations I've ever had with anyone in my life.

This experience was brought up after someone asked me what was the most hurtful thing someone has said to me. I almost instantly thought of this conversation. I told them, and then I reflected on my life currently.

I am "living the good life" in so many ways right now. Did I make it in the music business? No, I didn't. Did I go back to school and discover - not one, but two - new careers? Hell yes, I did! Did I learn to loosen my grip on what I think my life should be? Of course I did.

I'm living on my own in an adorable apartment in Long Beach, California just seven blocks from the beach. I work for a company that truly respects me and my skills. I have this hobby that has turned into a creative outlet into a safe place for people feeling like the world is shitting on them because of how they look. I'm helping people through art. I've met amazing people who want to actually change the world! Change. The. World! I have friends that would do anything for me. I just became a swimwear designer! I DESIGNED CLOTHES! I have a family that still thinks I can do anything I put my mind to. They think I'm ridiculous, but they always have.

And now, as I approach 29, I have fallen in love with a man who truly cares for me because of who I am and what I want to do in my life. He's proud of me for my accomplishments. He's with me because of the woman I've grown into.

In summary, I have no idea what this dude from high school is doing with his life. I honestly don't care. I'm living my good life and I'm going to keep growing and changing and building the life I want because I can do anything I want in my life.

(I also cried tears of happiness the entire time I wrote this. I love you, all, so much.) 

Busy Life

I know I have been a little MIA lately but I have been very busy.  Not only have Bethany and I been working on launching MEG x SBB for Sheeek By Bee (new swimwear line for small chested fat girls, link here), but my day job has been just overwhelming.  

The great news about being busy is that good things usually come from hard work.  We already have a few orders and we are very excited to keep going!  There are also a few features and interviews that I have coming down the line which include the swim line.  I will put links up when everything goes live!

Strut by Mic IG post: here  

I also want to put a link in here for the new artistic nude book that I am so excited to be a part of.  There are bodies of multiple shapes, sizes, and colors.  Gregory Prescott's HUMAN is going to be amazing.  You can contribute to the Kickstarter here, and there is an opportunity to pre-order the book, as well!  Video below and on the Kickstarter page linked above.

Read This

Don't spend four hours on a nude beach, in the nude, without covering your entire body in sunscreen.

Also, I contributed to this Refinery29 UK article about how I reuse to change my body for Summer. Link is here.

You Can't Feel Fat

You can't.  Fat is not a feeling.  Fat is on your body.  Fat is a descriptor used for body shapes.  You can't feel fat.

Ashley Graham thinks that she feels fat occasionally.  Do you know what the consequences of her saying this are?  Let me explain.

1. She gives the green light for diet culture talk.  "Feeling fat" is diet culture at its finest.  The word someone wants to use is "gross," "unsexy," "bloated," "unattractive," or any of the synonyms of the previous.  When we allow "fat" to replace these words tied directly to being unattractive and unworthy, we allow diet culture to fester and grow.

2. She brings body positivity down to diet culture's level. Now, Ashley's version of body positivity is bogus bullshit.  However, it is the mainstream version of the social movement.  Body positivity has little to nothing to do with the appearance of one's body, and/or how "healthy" one's physical vessel is.  When she uses diet culture phrases in interviews and captions, she is watering down body positivity down to nothing and commandeering it for diet culture's use.  Thus, furthering the reach of diet culture in our society by including words like "healthy" in attempts to camouflage it.

3.  She is a role model and icon for fat people.  I'm sorry, but how are you going to be a role model for fat people when you don't like being fat, and/or are saying fat is gross?  Bye, Ashley.  You can't sit with us.  I have a lot of issues with Ashley as a fat icon and role model for women.  Most of them revolve around the fact that she says one thing but does the opposite.  (It's a thing of hers.)  Like, when she says how you should embrace your body and cellulite but has lost multiple sizes (she is closer to a ten these days rather than her "size 16" body she has once claimed to have), and continuously posts gym routines and herself happy while getting rid of "unwanted" weight.  Am I the only one who almost threw the phone when I saw her posting her "pre-show" workout before her Addition Elle show because she had to "tone"?  Are you fucking kidding me?  She might as well captioned it "I HATE MY BODY WITHOUT PHOTOSHOP AND FEEL THE NEED TO WORK ON PLACES I HATE AND I'M TELLING YOU THAT IF YOU WANT TO BE NAKED/SEMI-NAKED YOU HAVE TO TONE AND GET RID OF BAD FAT."

No.  Stop it, Ashley.  You're done.